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The memory of my words to her scorched like sulphur in my brain. I loved Alex and had been a colossal fool to react and behave as I did. I started to feel sick again but this time for a different reason. Kritsada’s words about courage being the ability to make the right decision under pressure came flooding back to me. I had flunked that test this time. Had I just thrown away the most important thing I had ever had in my life? ‘I know I love her, Sam, but I don’t know if I can handle this thing with Kritsada, and she doesn’t want to see me again.’ She thumped me hard on the arm and said, ‘That’s just miserable self pity. Snap out of it. I can guarantee that if she loves you there will be a way to get her to see you again. Is there anything that can be done with Kritsada?’ ‘I’ve met him and by what I’ve heard he isn’t going to budge. He’s a thug and he holds people to a deal.’ I thought of Alex and what she had said about a pound of flesh. That made me feel worse as I realised just. After a few minutes, I decided that I was going toget what I had been wanting for some time. I took his cock in my mouth, andbeing new to this, I tried to take the whole thing. At first, I gagged.After some time, I shot my first load into another guy's mouth and heswallowed every drop. I was exhausted before he shot his load as I wasn'tused to giving head. He finished himself off by jerking off. Many nights over the next few months, we got together. I gavehim head for his twenty-first birthday, and he told me that was the besthead that he's ever had. I later learned that he enjoyed it so much that hethought I was well practiced with other guys. I told him that he was myfirst but I had read many stories about how to give head and just tried toimitate them. He was impressed. My twenty-eighth birthday came up. I was staying with a familyat the time and really didn't want to spend my birthday with them, so I gota hotel room. I called him up and told him.
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